I am a single mom (coparenting) and work two jobs: one full-time as a PM/Project Engineer for a construction company and one part-time waitressing. I do this [obviously] so I can take care of my kid, but also because I love traveling… and buying shit. Even with the two jobs however, it’s not like I’m rolling in cash, so I have to cut costs where possible. And if you know me, you know that’s not my forte. I’ve never had a budget in my life and I enjoy being impulsive. I’ll buy $18 glasses of wine in the airport and tip people absurb percentages like I’m Jeff Bezos’s ex wife. That kind of shit dwindles the cash flow quickly. So, the way I’m able to “afford” my trips, is by cutting a few of the large ticket items down — ergo, the flight & lodging. Everybody’s different and this may be the opposite of some/most, but it’s how I like to roll lol.
For starters, I use Kayak for all my trips and every one of them are random. Using the “explore” tool, I constantly scour the planet for cheap destinations. You can set time/duration parameters as well but I usually don’t. I have a good idea of what it costs to fly just about anywhere so when I see a round-trip airfare for $420 to Belize, I snag that deal up without a second thought.
Me [At a work lunch]: Oh, Mitchell I’m going to need the 30th-4th off next month off, I’m going to Belize.
After Egypt, I don’t think much could surprise them. I think they were more interested in how I was going to pay for it lol….
Now, for lodging. If you have ever been to a third world country, you know that there’s not a lot of “nice” places. Their 4- and 5-star hotels are more often than not, like 30-80 years old or some shit and remind me of Renos’ “The Nugget”. And hotel pricing is typically not much cheaper in these places. I for one, am not going to pay $150-$400 for a hotel that I will question walking barefoot in. I can do that for $15.
You can literally drive from one side of Belize to the other in about 1.5 hours, so after I made the decision to rent a car, I decided I wanted to start my trip in the jungle near the Guatemalan border, work my way around as many places as possible, and then spend the last two nights on the keys, chillaxin on the beach. I found a hostel named Yellow Belly Pack Packers Hostel in San Ignacio and within 15 min of multiple attractions I wanted to see (Maya Ruins, caves, jungle, etc.…), and it was only $13/night and apparently had AC.
Side Note: I was informed that yellow belly was a derogatory term used for asians. Weird.
I was originally going to take a ferry from Belize City to one of the islands but it’s about 1.5-2 hrs. Even when not on a time constraint, time is my most valued commodity in life. I never have enough time and I loathe it being wasted. Since I was only going to be there for 5 days, I decided to take a plane instead. TropicAir = $93 round-trip. 15 min. vs 120 min.
About a week later, I booked another hostel in San Pedro for the last night of my trip for $21. Every trip I’ve ever been on has been “over-planned”. People close to me may laugh at that, because my definition of planning is typically way different than others. Nonetheless, I wanted to do what I wanted to do at the time, so I didn’t book a place to stay for nights 2 and 3. I was going to yolo it. Come to find out, that was even over-planning because I never showed up to the last hostel.
When I first arrived in Belize it was 98 degrees and like 300% humidity. I was in a pant style, short sleeved, thick, cotton romper. Needless to say, I was drenched in sweat about 3 minutes after arrival. All I wanted was a cigarette, some AC, and to cut off these ridiculous F-ing nails I put on before the trip. I felt like a handicapped R-word. None of those came easy.
I finally get out of the airport and to the car rental area. I rented an SUV for 2 days and chose the non-fueling option. I bring it back as empty as possible and they give you 10% off the gas price. I had no idea how easy/hard it would be to find a gas station, so I jumped on that one. It was $336. Seeing at there gas is about $7.50/gallon, I didn’t complain.
I begin my 1.5-hour drive across Belize to get to my hostel.
Or not.
It cost $4 to leave the airport. I have no cash.
I backup and park like the handicrapped person I feel like, run back to the rental office, and ask where to get cash. She hands me $4…. Ok….
So, I begin my 1.5 hour drive across Belize. Again.
I see what looks like an “ant eater crossing” sign… I think it said “tumar” …I start looking around for ant eaters and BAM! I think I broke the jeep. Fuck. Not a normal speed bump.
Apparently, these cars are used to this, but I definitely didn’t do that again. With that car anyways.
BTW, its not an anteater. Its some beast animal they call the “mountain cow” and its like a hippo. Dont know why the f**** you need a sign 1/1000th its size to warn people of its presence. But who am I to judge….
Anyways, I saw some random restaurant on the side of the road and ran in there to change and buy a nacho.
I spent the next 3 hours of my life trying to find an ATM and a place to buy tampons. Some advice to anyone traveling out of the country – bring tampons and hair ties!!!! For some reason, both of those are always impossible to find.
Then I went and saw some Maya Ruins, which was pretty badass. I love that they’re completely open to the public. They’re not gated off or anything. You get to explore them completely hands-on.
When I arrived at the hostel, there were three blonde, skinny, European, or Canadian-looking dudes on the steps smoking. I could tell they were annoying AF. They were the first ones that asked me about shrooms.
I had a 4-bunk room to myself with “AC” (which kept the room at toasty 85 degrees, If I had to guess).
Now contrary to what you may think, I’m not a complete idiot. I didn’t want to get back home with Belizean bed lice or something. So, I brought a single person pop-up tent and slept in that with a blanket/scarf-thing I brought lol. Classy AF.
I went cave tubing in Belmopan my second day there and made friends with some locals. They asked what I was going to do and I just shrugged.
“I’m just going to drive towards Belize City and see what happens. My plane leaves to San Pedro at 11 am.”
The dude who took me tubing said he knew a guy with an Airbnb in Belize City and he’d call him for me. That worked out perfectly seeing as I got 86’d from Airbnb (long story) lol. I asked where it was, and he gives me an intersection.
Great.
For some reason, getting addresses out of these people is like pulling teeth. Fuck if I know, maybe they don’t have addresses??
I think they could sense my hesitation.
“John” (what we’re calling him), a tall dude with dreads to his butt and a huge white smile (and the one who had made me the most delicious drink in a carved-out pineapple) says, “I’ll show you where it’s at. I can go with you.”
This is where I’m assuming most peoples alarms or some shit [that I lack] would go off…
Me: Ok 😊
So, he shut down his drink stand, I followed him to the main road where he dropped his car off and got into mine, and we headed to Belize City.
Then I remembered I needed to get my tattoo and asked him where I should go. He recommended the mainland cause it’s way cheaper but I needed to get it done in San Pedro if I wanted to swim at all the next few days. With that, he recomended Belizean Ink.
Noted.
[And yes, I got a tattoo there…. that’s a whole other story lol :)]
It seems that Oregon is known for mushrooms because anytime my origin is brought up, I’m asked if I brought any shrooms.
Me: Fresh out. You got any cocaine? Haha.
I was mostly joking, and he busts out cocaine lol. I may or may not have joined the festivities. I will let you use your imagination on this one.
More importantly, they apparently pay $20 Belizean per gram for mushrooms. That’s $10 USD. That is $282 USD per ounce. Jesus. I could pay for my entire trip with a couple Ziplock bags full lol. No wonder I get interrogated at every border crossing. There is definitely a mule market out there.
Anyways, I wanted to swim in the ocean BAD. He led me off the beaten path to some beach… and there were like 40 F******** gorgeous men playing volleyball.
John: It’s the coast guard.
My stupid ass: So, are they like American?
John: Umm, no. Belizean.
Who would have thought we weren’t the only ones with a coast guard lol.
And I swam in the ocean!
It was perfectly warm and refreshing. I swear I was a mermaid in a past life.
We were leaving when he realized he fed his cocaine to the fish. We needed to stop by his brothers, who was a police officer, to reup his stash.
…alrighty then.
We get to Belize City and he “compliments” my driving. Says I’m a natural. Then follows that up with “I usually don’t look at the road when people drive but I have to with y—BUMP!”
Me: I know, I see it.
John: BUMP!
Me: Have you ever heard of a backseat driver?
John: Yea—BUMP!
Me: Jesus.
We get to his brothers, and I meet his girlfriend and infant baby (#14. No joke). So cute! The I notice crabs in his front yard and start giggling like a child.
The other weird thing is all the “stray” dogs. They aren’t really strays, per say. They are all well fed and healthy as far as I can tell. And they run around in pairs lol. Like BF/GF. The female will sniff stuff out and the male stands back and waits, it’s adorable. These dogs don’t even eat dog food. They eat better than most humans, being the recipients of every left-over piece of food in the country. Its just common practice for every Belizean to save all scraps for the dogs. Even if they’ve never been to a place, they automatically will save their scrap food and give it to that person for their dogs. I love it.
After waiting about 15 min, I lose my patients.
Me: I’m hangry and only here for 5 days, I need to go explore, I gotta go.
So, he shows me where I’m going, which is an old colonial house (wish I would have got pictures). And I slept in my tent again.
I decided I needed to stay somewhere where I didn’t have to wear shoes in the shower and sleep in a tent for one night.
I found this place called Daydreamin Boutique Hotel in San Pedro, right off the beach. It was newer and only had 4 cabanas, circling a pool. It looked clean. $220/night. I booked it. I loved it so much I stayed the next night there too. And they had an AMAZING BREAKFAST!!!!!!
TBC
See Also:
A Single White Female 