At least 70% of the cars around you are driving 5 mph or more under the speed limit
Cars on the highway are all crammed in the left lanes, no matter how fast or slow they are going
Telling your child that they are a boy because they have a penis causes an outrage
Every person over the age of 35 has Profited off of berries at some point in their life
Its 58 degrees out and people are in shorts and tank tops
You and your immediate neighbors collectively own more guns than the local police department
People wear sock with their sandals
There are Birkenstocks for all seasons
Changing lanes is considered Erratic driving
Have local deer. With names.
You attempt to cut down a tree on your property, [in turn] igniting an angry mob, in which you discover that it may be your property, but it ain’t your tree.
The mullet it is not trending, but rather a common tool locals use for keeping warm
If you light up a cigarette, everyone within three blocks Will start dramatically fake coughing.However if you light up a joint, people to smile and say hello to you.
- You own either a pair of UGGs or a pair of Romeo’s.
Using your windshield wipers feels like driving a manual
Subarus and Jeeps
Whether you are going for a cup of coffee, or to your kids PTA meeting, you are dressed and prepared for an impromptu hike.
Drinking alcohol in public will get you thrown in jail, but smoking crack on a sidewalk will get you a dismissible hundred dollar fine and a “ have a good day” from police officers
The words “Kate Brown” are a trigger word for you
A Single White Female 
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